Day 3, PUPO

I haven’t blogged in awhile. I feel like the nerves of this cycle have really gotten to me and I haven’t found this outlet as useful as I have in the past. I am forcing myself to sit and write this entry today in hopes of having something to look back at in the event this transfer takes!

We transferred two healthy embryo’s on the 18th! Everything went great and I am resting! We have had some issues with our pio injections. I am still having reactions so they switched me over to the suppositories. I take them 3 times a day!

I am not sure if this is related to the transfer or not, but I am already starting to experience some “things”. I feel like its SO early!!!

• NAUSEOUS, Like big time. This just started today.
• Heavy feeling in my uterus.
• Tired.
• Brain fog/slightly dizzy.

 

Hoping these are all good things and these babies decide to stick around. I would LOVE to have both of them. Please keep your fingers crossed for our family!

 

I got my calendar! Kinda…

Today I had my appointment for my baseline ultrasounds. Trying to go through IVF while a pandemic is still going on is wild. They took my temperature and made me sign a waiver before going in to the waiting room. Which was actually kind of nice. I am glad that my clinic is taking extra precautions.

Everything looked great on my ultrasound. They found a small cyst on one of my ovaries but said it was nothing to worry about.

I got my calendar and we are going to be transferring the 26th.

I go home, and receive the phone call regarding my blood work and was told that my estrogen level was really high. Which took me by complete surprise. The nurse was also shocked at the results. So instead of transferring on the 26th like my calendar said… it will now we will be pushed back a week and ill be under more observation. I go back in on Monday for another ultrasound.

I am a little concerned just because I truly want everything to go right this time. This is kind of like our last chance at this and I just want everything to go right. So we will see what happens.

Lupron Kick Off

Yesterday I started our kick off (officially) for our next transfer. I am still currently taking birth control and they have me stopping on the 2nd of May and my next appointment is tentatively around the 6th.

I’m feeling ok. I think I have just come to terms with everything that is my “journey”. I have taken a lot of time to really reflect lately. I think that this will be my last cycle. No matter the outcome. I know we have 3 embryos left. But I truly just don’t think that I can put my self through this anymore. The ups and downs. The hormones. I just want to close this chapter. I want to get off this roller coaster. I am trying to allow myself to be excited and hopeful. But it is so hard. Even trying to gather my thoughts for this post is hard for me.

We are transferring two embryos. We are already aware that the quality isn’t the best on the third one that we have and my hopes aren’t really high for that one. My doctor doesn’t think its the best either. So this really is “all of our eggs in one basket”.

 

Keep your fingers crossed for us!

 

Canceled.

And just like that. We have hit another road block. I just got off the phone with my doctor and I am to stop all meds. My cycle has been canceled due to this virus that is going around. He called last night but I missed it because we were laying our daughter down for bed. So I have been an absolute wreck all day today thinking about what was going to happen. I have heard that its been “business as usual for them” so this truly has hit me out of no where. I completely understand the severity of the virus but UGH. I swear to god every fucking time we do anything that is IVF related something ALWAYS goes wrong. ALWAYS.

I am getting a script tomorrow that will throw me into a bleed. My doctor said that he thinks the ETA for us to pick back up would be mid March and transfer would take place the beginning of May.

This is DEF not the news we wanted because we were SO close to our transfer. Literally two weeks away from it.

I have been so strong for so long. I have put my body through SO much. I am starting to worry that I cant do this anymore. I am at the point where I just don’t want to. I hate throwing my hormones out of whack. I hate doing the shots and going to the appointments. I just want to feel good. Not battle migraines and irritability.  I just feel burnt out. I’m tired of the roller coaster of emotions I constantly am on. I want this chapter of my life to be closed so I can move on. But nope, here we are getting delayed AGAIN. I have so many feelings and its so hard to even know what to do right now.

 

I wish I could just have another baby.

FET scheduled!

Here we go again! We are in the books and are set to have our FET happen on March 31st or April 1st!

I AM ABSOLUTELY thrilled with the quality of care that we are receiving from this office. I am so happy that we made the switch. Everyone is so sweet even down to the receptionists! Its such a nice change to be able to blog this!

We have been doing the exact same protocol as we did for our successful IVF! The only difference is that  I am taking a Lupron over a period of time and not doing just one injection.

Over all I am feeling pretty good about this transfer! We are very taken care of and the vibe seems just so good! We are transferring two this time. Our doctor said that would be the best thing for us to do at this point since we have gone through so much. Today was all of my baseline ultrasounds and everything looked really great! We are starting estrace today or tomorrow (im waiting on the call still today). But we are crossing our fingers for one to take but we would LOVE twins.

Ill post more updates as they come!

 

 

11dpt

This cycle has been a nightmare. I basically had the worst reaction and response to my progesterone injection. My lovely nurse tried to reassure me that it wouldn’t make the cycle fail but I am convinced that’s a huge reason why this didn’t take. I’m not sure how my body could embrace a pregnancy if it was trying to fight off this reaction.

After posting on 7dpt I was basically bed ridden with the worst migraine I have ever had. My lymph nodes were so swollen I could barely swallow or turn my head. I had total body chills and a fever.  It has been so awful. My injection site’s swelled up and was hot to the touch.

I have stopped testing. Every pregnancy test I took up until yesterday was negative and its been really hard to see that. I haven’t taken PIO in two days and I am starting to feel better but my throat is still really sore and swollen. My clinic adviced I stop and just do the  suppositories and other meds I had. I did have the new bottle come in yesterday but my husband and I agreed that we would just save it for the next cycle we do since we already know this one failed and that bottle costed us $100.

My HCG draw is Wednesday the 22nd and I just cant wait to have official confirmation and close this chapter. My husband and I have found a  new clinic. I refuse to go back to this same one we were using. We have just had so many issues. So we found a new place and have an appointment already lined up and we want to try again right away so we are thinking we will kick this back off in March. Which if we do, it would be the exact same time frame of our daughters cycle! That has been the only thing that has gotten us through the past few days. We are truly looking forward to meeting with this new doctor. He is someone who specializes in donor egg cycles and it just feels like such a good fit.

7dpt

I am so mad. It failed. I know it did. I have absolutely no indication of a positive pregnancy test WHICH I SHOULD BY NOW. I have BARELY any symptoms of anything and to top it all off…I am having an allergic reaction to my PIO.

 

AWESOME.

5dpt

I forgot how hard this was wait was.

I am really feeling down today. I tested early and it was a BFN. I had a line at this time with Baby K’s pregnancy. So I would be lying if I didn’t say I DIDN’T have a break down this morning about it. It is still early so I am really trying to stay positive about our cycle but god is it so hard. Especially when you already know how things should be going.

 

I am feeling crappy.

• TERRIBLE migraines off and on.
• Running hot.
• Sore back from PIO. I’m also experiencing some odd reaction? I am not really even sure what to call it. Its whelping a little at the injection site on both sides. If anyone has experienced this or know some sort of remedy to help me out please comment below.
• Tired.
• Cramping on and off.
• Emotional.

I truly don’t know what we are going to do if this doesn’t work. This is our 4th IVF and this time around its just so much harder on my body. Everything is killing me and I truly don’t know if I will be able to do it again. I am absolutely terrified right now that this is going to end in another miscarriage.

UGH.

I am just really upset. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

3DPT Update

Just wanted to pop on and report in how I am feeling. This was so fun to look back on from our previous cycle and I am loving  having something to compare so I would love to keep it going.

 

• Food aversions ALREADY. Nothing tastes good or is fulfilling.
• Out of breath.
• Headaches off and on.
• T I R E D
• Heaviness in my uterus if that makes sense. It just feels “different”.
• Bloated.
• Sore back…from PIO.

ALL GOOD THINGS SO FAR! I am hoping to just stay resting over the weekend and see where this goes! ❤

TRANSFER DAY UPDATE. We are officially PUPO.

 

Yesterday was our transfer! 1/8/20 We only transferred one! Our embryo’s were frozen in pairs so you see the other one also in the dish. We transferred the one on the left of both images. I think they said they included two pictures because its what they look like at hour one and hour two of being thawed. They also gave me the little thing that they were frozen in which was REALLY cool! That’s what that blue thing is on the left of the image. Over all everything went well. I cant complain! We saw the other doctor (not ours) which at this point with everything that has happened with this clinic I wasn’t surprised. When he was explaining what was going on I could tell he felt really bad my doctor wasn’t there so I lightened the situation by saying it was totally fine we just needed SOMEONE to shoot that baby in their so I can get pregnant. He laughed.

I feel really good despite the issues we have had with them. I have been doing a lot of meditation and feel that I am in a really good place! Which has made SUCH a huge difference going into this time. My husband and I were laughing and feeling very light hearted yesterday and it was a really enjoyable experience! YAY. Baby K #1 has truly been the best distraction through all of this as well. We know shes going to be the best big sister. We just have to figure out a way to keep her from blowing the surprise! Shes so smart that she will come up to me and say “Mommy, Babies” and point to my belly so we shall see how long we can keep this “transfer secret”. Toddlers pick up on EVERYTHING! I plan on testing again at 5dpt just because I loved watching the line grow last time and I may also have a problem with early testing….but I will keep you all posted! ❤

 

BABY K 2.0